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I want to go back to work... or do I?

Our Story:
Before our son was born we discussed whether or not I would go back to work. The main reason at the time that we decided that I not go back was because day cares in our area did not take infants part time. With that in mind the decision to be a stay at home mom was easy because I definitely was not going back full time. Unforeseen by me was the that this decision would come to be reevaluated by myself not too far in the future.
My son is now 11 months. We are planning his first birthday. Over the last 11 months I have plotted, planned and construed ways to make money in the home. Some succeeded better then others. My most successful en devour was actually saving money instead of making money.  Yet, still unfortunately I inherited my fathers need to always be doing, moving, going forward! Earning, saving and spending! Do, do, do! This blog in itself was an attempt to do, share, help, make a difference and yes eventually include adds and be a part of the earning process again. 
None of it was satisfying in itself. Thus leading me to the realization that a daycare would take my little man part time now. I could go back to work maybe one or two days a week. Do I want to get away from my home or my precious baby...NO! Completely the opposite I cry when I'm away from him more then a couple hours. Call me crazy but my baby, my family I love it, I cherish it...I thrive on it. I still want to be financially productive so where does this desire come from and what do I do?
I am so grateful that unlike many families I can say this desire doesn't come from a lack of money. My husband makes plenty enough to supply our needs and wants. So, why am I craving my own successes? 
Here are some of my thoughts and conclusions:
Forgetful: I have forgotten that raising my son is my main en devour! I was praying about what to do and I opened my bible and started reading. I found these verses that spoke to me.
Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 19:13-14
Unlike some people I have a choice to be at home. I realized how could I not choose to be with "My little kingdom of heaven"? I know every mom has to make these decisions and every mom chooses with the best of her abilities. No one  person's decision is the "Right One." I could never imagine judging a mom for going back to work. God has a plan for each family and it of course is not going to be the same as it is for my family but God is leading me and I trust him.
Contented: I looked around my little 1,100 square foot home and smiled. I was more content then I had given myself credit for. Did I really want to leave this place if I didn't have to? My little man playing on the living room rug, chewing on the Wii remote while watching Super Why. Did I want to miss this? No, I had made my decision long ago without even realizing it. I had been discussing with myself an option I had already marked off the list. Being content to be a stay at home mom is not something that just happened for me, I chose it. I chose to be thankful and content. It pays in the end. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22
Conclusion:
Money is secondary. Yes, I want to move it, move it. I am all the time looking for a new way to do something, rearrange something, change something but God is helping me to find ways to be successful at home. I'm finding satisfaction in raising a little boy into a man. One day I can't wait to add more little kiddos to the clan. I am glad God made me like my daddy. It is a special view of the world that few have. Everything is an opportunity and we see very few hurdles that can't be overcome with the right tools. If we don't have the right tools, well then we use duck tape, super glue and a hammer! It is the perfect scenario for a stay at home mom. Imagine all the fun my little ones and I are going to have through out the years building, moving, going and learning together. Their daddy will come home each night wondering what project we attacked that day: built a fort, dug a new garden, fixed the broken toilet, had a lemonade stand, made 5 dollars selling cookies. It is all shining bright in my families beautiful future. I look forward to it. Thank you, LORD for your sweet goodness.
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